


I Don't Want To Be A Monster Like Him

by Le_purple



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Comfort/Angst, Dialogue Heavy, Dream Bubbles, Feelings, Gen, Sad, Sad Gamzee, Sadstuck, Self-Doubt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-26
Updated: 2019-10-26
Packaged: 2021-01-03 20:04:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21185225
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Le_purple/pseuds/Le_purple
Summary: Kanaya meets Gamzee in the dream bubbles, anger and sadness ensues.





	I Don't Want To Be A Monster Like Him

Kanaya wandered through the dream bubbles, her exploration leading her to a hilly range, with long pale blue grass and a glowing peach sky, fading into lavender and streaked with lilac and pink clouds. The wind was warm and gentle, stirring her skirt and her hair and hissing gently through the grass, Kanaya feeling very at ease and comforted.  
"Hey sister~ Wanna chill with me?" A voice drawled, the familiar lilt making her whip her head around. His makeup was still perfectly applied to his relaxed and unscarred face, a dopey, nonthreatening smile spread to his cheeks, and his glazed over eyes were pupil-less, to Kanaya's surprise.

"I'll pass." Kanaya stated blandly, continuing to walk through the grass.

"Aw, come on, sis! What's up?" Gamzee caught Kanaya's hand, the girl quickly flipping her lipstick and holding a chainsaw close to his chest. The boy looked at Kanaya with hurt eyes as he weakly released her wrist, looking like a sad puppy.

"...Sorry." Kanaya sighed, sitting next to Gamzee and resting her chin on her hand.

"What's troubling you chica? Why did you suddenly get all up and hostile?"

"I...I don't want to see you. I don't even know why I'm still here, or why I'm not currently covered in your blood." Gamzee took his fingers out of the pie, not putting them in his mouth out of surprise.

"Why's that?" Gamzee asked innocently "I hope I haven't motherfucking done anything to offend you, sis?"

"I HATE you." Kanaya hissed slowly.

"Sis I-I'm sorry but I don't-"

"Not like that you stupid clown! You are a pest, a drain! I want you away from me, away from Terezi and away from Karkat!"

"But...why? I don't know what you're tryna say to me! What have I motherfucking done?"

"You killed Equius and Nepeta! You collected all the dead troll's heads and painted with their blood! Can't you get that through your thick cranium!?"

"I-what? I swear I never-I couldn't..." Gamzee whimpered, tears pricking at his white eyes as she snarled in his face.

"Can't you-! remember...you can't remember, can you?" Her voice suddenly got much gentler and quieter, Kanaya pulling away from Gamzee and looking down at the swaying grass. Gamzee shook his head. "So you...really can't..."

"Did-did I really all up and...k-kill..."

"You did. You terrorised Karkat too."

"How..."

"You snapped. You went into a rage, threatened him after playing with his head." This was the first time Kanaya had seen Gamzee so serious and shocked, the colourful haze around his head melting away until only black and white remained.

"I don't even know what to motherfucking say..."

"I don't know either." She said solemnly. "How did you die, Gamzee?"

"Well I..." Gamzee began awkwardly. Clearly he wasn't all that comfortable talking about it. "...you killed me."

"Oh, why?" Kanaya asked plainly.

"I don't know! I was with Karbro and-and you...you told him to run because I'd hurt him."

"Did I use my chainsaw?" Kanaya asked, thinking back to when she was only a few seconds away from cutting through his chest. He nodded. "Oh...sorry."

"Am I...am I a monster, Kanaya?"

"Pardon?"

"I just feel like such a fuck up. I can't do anything right. The only me anyone talks about here is the me who's a monster, and I only just found out what I-he did. The only thing I've ever done right is die. It feels like I was gonna...be him if I didn't."

"You're not a monster, Gamzee, not this version of you anyway."

"Thanks, sis. I don't wanna be him. Promise me that you wont let me be him."

Kanaya's cold glare softened for just a moment.

"...alright."


End file.
